How to get your neighbor to control her yappy dog:
There is a woman who lives in my building who has a yappy Pomeranian. Her name is Anna (the dog, not the neighbor). Now I love dogs, but I am partial to dogs that look like dogs. Pomeranians are cute, but they look like cats pretending to be dogs. That said, I don't dislike small dogs, I just favor real dogs. Unfortunately, Anna gives all small dogs a bad name, because she yaps for hours on end. And even though she is living on the fifth floor of my building, I can hear her quite clearly on the second floor. So can everyone around us. And I mean everyone.
So yesterday evening I hear the yapping begin. Once the yapping starts I know that I will soon hear neighbors shouting "shut that damn dog up" or "will you make it stop?" Usually these pleas are ignored. Usually. You see, yesterday evening wasn't a usual day. One very clever neighbor figured out exactly what needed to be said to get Anna's owner to shut her up. "Pull your dick out of that dog's asshole," he shouted. The yapping immediately stopped and did not occur again for the entire evening. Thank you clever, disgruntled neighbor. You are a god among men.