How to get your neighbor to control her yappy dog:

There is a woman who lives in my building who has a yappy Pomeranian.  Her name is Anna (the dog, not the neighbor).  Now I love dogs, but I am partial to dogs that look like dogs.  Pomeranians are cute, but they look like cats pretending to be dogs.  That said, I don't dislike small dogs, I just favor real dogs.  Unfortunately, Anna gives all small dogs a bad name, because she yaps for hours on end.  And even though she is living on the fifth floor of my building, I can hear her quite clearly on the second floor.  So can everyone around us.  And I mean everyone. 

So yesterday evening I hear the yapping begin.  Once the yapping starts I know that I will soon hear neighbors shouting "shut that damn dog up" or "will you make it stop?"  Usually these pleas are ignored.  Usually.  You see, yesterday evening wasn't a usual day.  One very clever neighbor figured out exactly what needed to be said to get Anna's owner to shut her up.  "Pull your dick out of that dog's asshole," he shouted.  The yapping immediately stopped and did not occur again for the entire evening.  Thank you clever, disgruntled neighbor.  You are a god among men.     

Comments

[Dr. Monkey]

That guy sounds a lot like me.

[gmb]

Well them=n, I like you even more, Dr. Monkey. I had a good laugh. And it shut that fucking dog up immediately. GMB

[DCup]

That is priceless. I wonder how my redneck neighbor (think shorts and workbooks) would react if I shouted this out the window the next time his herd of German Shepard start their baying and barking. I'm thinking I'd better be prepared to duck.

[gmb]

While I am interested in hearing how he would react, well, um, I don't think that would be a good idea. That said, next time the boy on the first floor has his loud girlfriend over I'm thinking of yelling the following: will you fake your orgasm already! Generally I just yell for them to close their fucking window. GMB

[Spartacus]

gmb - you won't like my dog much then. He barks at anyone that comes near the house. He's much bigger than a rat-dog Pomeranian, but he's very protective of his turf.

[gmb]

Spartacus: Hey, a dog is supposed to bark at anything that comes near his turf--that's his job. Anna, on the other hand, just yaps and yaps for no fucking reason. She's in the apartment, not facing down strangers. And she does it for hours on end. Amazing how a little dog could piss off so many people. GMB

[fairlane]

I have friends in NY who might, for a small fee, be willing to look into your dog problem.

[Sorghum Crow]

hee-hee. That comment is so appropriate for so many situations!

[gmb]

Fairlane: While tempting, I'm thinking disgruntled neighbor might have put a stop to it.
Sorghum: It was filthy and disgruntled neighbor was angry. Naturally I laughed out loud. There are times when I am very happy that I live in the village. Yesterday was one of them. GMB

[bowtiejack]

I never heard what happened with that Secret Service Agent who was dog sitting another Agent's Jack Russell Terrier on the upper West Side. His buddy was on the detail for the Bush Crawford wedding that weekend and needed someone to watch the dog. At some point during the weekend, the dog was thrown out a window (but unfortunately survived). When threats of arrest and civil litigation ensued, the dog sitter hired a lawyer. That was the last I heard.

Let me say that I have dog sat a Jack Russell Terrier (a hyperneurotic breed that goes into paroxysms of yapping at the sound of a leaf falling in the next block) and I think that with a jury familiar with the breed, a plea of justifiable insanity should probably work.

[gmb]

bowtiejack: They are high maintenance. Still, that seems a bit much. But Anna...I understand. GMB

[DisgruntDreamer]

My roomate has a stupid fucking shepard that wont shut up...its 6:56 in the A.M. .....he has 15 minutes before Pantera metals the fuck outta the air in my house

[gmb]

DisgruntDreamer: I feel for you. Time to have a talk with the roommate. I suggest waking him shortly after he collapses into sleep after a night of drinking. GMB