I can't believe it's not a democracy!

Fake bishop attempts to infilitrate gathering of sociopaths:

Prankster Nearly Sneaks Into Meeting of Cardinals. Thing is, the imposter sounds like a bit of a nut--he wasn't even a really good comedian/actiivist/protester--yet he got past the first level before being nabbed. What this guy highlights is how all of this pomp and protocol is all bullshit--high priced bullshit--but just bullshit in the end. And has anyone else noticed that people are openly mocking the church now, which can only signal its eventual demise. Not in my lifetime, sadly, but not long after. Good fucking riddance.

Really? He has a heart?

Vatican reveals pope had secret heart surgery. P.S. Just to change the batteries in the device that mimics a human heart. I swear, the tone-deaf PR hacks at VAtican City are trying really hard to find one person who gives a shit about Pope Ratzi stepping down to avoid the shitstorm that must be coming any day now.

Does someone have photos?

Pope Benedict the Whateverthe fuck announces resignation. Resigning? Not generally done with the Vatican. Sure, maybe a few suspected murders, other intrigue, but resigning, not really the way a pope likes to bow out. I'm sure his decision--if it is his--has nothing to do with the continuing pedophilia cases--the church doesn't give a shit about that, assume they can ride that out (I mean, people still get their kids baptized). But there is an ongoing financial scandal. Money talks....and sometimes screams. Just saying.

Man, you cannot make this shit up:

Christian family values attorney arrested by FBI for sex crimes. What makes this increasingly typical story a bit more interesting is that there are a few twists we haven't seen before. Namely: the attorney is a middle-aged woman, who transported a teen across the U.S.-Canada border, she had the teen engage in sex and convinced her to let it be filmed, and, of course, there are allegations of drug possession, weapons, and threats. You know there is probably even more bad shit out there, but really, the list, as is, is already impressively bad. And what makes this story even sweeter is that this miscreant's employer, The Alliance Defense Fund, "made news this week by distributing a memo to county clerks in Maryland, Maine and Washington encouraging them not to issue same-sex marriage certificates to couples wishing to wed in those states." Because gay people are bad. But not christian attorney bad, that's for damn sure.

One down:

Moonies founder the Rev Sun Myung Moon dies in South Korea at 92. Self-proclaimed messiah who formed own church and presided over mass weddings leaves behind huge business empire. But I assume his followers will spend the rest of their miserable lives praying for him to come back or something. Man, religion has to be the easiest get quick rich scam in the world. All you have to do is get the gullible to accept your lie and you get to take their money tax free--it doesn't get easier than that.

Looks like the land of some of my people is moving forward:

Gay marriage to be introduced in Scotland. Naturally, this march towards enlightenment is being "strongly opposed" by the Church of Scotland and, get this, the catholic church. Said some asshole catholic spokeswhore:

The Scottish government is embarking on a dangerous social experiment on a massive scale.

We strongly suspect that time will show the Church to have been completely correct in explaining that same-sex sexual relationships are detrimental to any love expressed within profound friendships.

You mean in the same way that the church was completely correct to hide pedophiles, motherfucker? Honestly, whenever the catholic church makes an objection about anything on moral grounds, the statement should be accompanied by a laugh track.

God loves queers!

And he has blessed them with excellent legal representation: Boss’ pray day turns to payday for gay chef. Yes, it had to be a fabulous story to get me to link to the bastards at NY Post, and this one doesn't disappoint. Long and short, asshole boss who tried to pray the gay out of his lesbian chef just got handed a bill courtesy of a New York jury. I mean, employee prayer sessions in Tribeca? Really?

I know nothing!

Catholic Church in Ireland investigating gay porn slideshow -- Priest says he has 'no knowledge' of how explicit images were on USB stick he was using for presentation on confessions. There is nothing I can add to this perfect story.

Pedophilia is ok, here's the real problem:

Gay marriage a threat to humanity's future: [Nazi] Pope. He's a fucking monster.

How sad that the catholic church will not come to its deserved end during my lifetime. But these headlines sound like a death rattle to me. How many more generations will it take before all religion is finally and properly described as mythology?

Why I wish I believed in hell:

Priest Sex-Abuse Case Hits Church of Pope's Adviser. Time reports: Father Riccardo Seppia, a 51-year-old parish priest in the village of Sastri Ponente, near Genoa, was arrested last Friday, May 13, on pedophilia and drug charges. Investigators say that in tapped mobile-phone conversations, Seppia asked a Moroccan drug dealer to arrange sexual encounters with young and vulnerable boys. "I do not want 16-year-old boys but younger. Fourteen-year-olds are O.K. Look for needy boys who have family issues," he allegedly said.

Naturally his parish is in the archdiocese of the cardinal who is advising Pope Ratzi on how to purge the pedophiles from the priesthood. Talk about a big fucking fail. That said, this final bit of the article was the perfect ending to this horrible story: Seppia is currently being kept in a confinement cell in a Genoa prison. He met the jail's priest and psychologist. "He has read the newspapers, and he is pained by his parishioners' comments," says his lawyer.

I hope he suffers in jail. I know, not very christian, but either is he.